Destroyed

At three this afternoon Jo came home crying. I knew what she was going to say, I've known it was happening, but I couldn't do anything to stop it.

She sat with me, crying onto my shoulder about how we've grown apart. How she doesn't love me like that any more.

Twelve years of being together, over in a conversation.

She's at her mums with the kids this evening. I've spoken to her as much as I can, but am a sobbing wreck. She loves me like a dear friend, nothing else. The spark is gone, and there's nothing I can do to reignite it.

She's been trying to deal with it for a few months now, but today was the point when she had to admit it to herself and to me. We cried, and I am still crying. There's nothing left inside me, but here I sit sobbing.

I love her, I love her so much, and have done since the day we met. We've been through so much together, and weathered every storm, but there comes a breaking point that a person can only take so much.

For now, she is with her parents with Jaysen and Tamsyn. I will probably have the house and she will get a new place, and I can see the kids when ever I like, and have them at weekends.

I want them all. Here. Now.

My mum came over, and she didn't know what to say. I don't know what to say. I can't make her love me the way I love her, and have offered to change however she wants me, but she can't. She's made her decision and I have to respect that.

I want to fight. I want to explode. But I can't do anything..

I don't know what to do with myself. I've tried pottering around the house, but the house is a dead shell without any life at the moment. Iwant my love and I want my babies. But I lose.

Jo, if you read this, I love you. I love you more than anything. I've always loved you and always will. I can't see my future without you, and I wish with all of my heart that I can say or do something to make it better, to bring you back to my arms. I've lost you, I know I've lost you, and I hate myself for making it happen. I wish we'd fixed it sooner before it got to this point, where we can't repair it.

I love you Jo. I love you so much, and hope you always remember that.


To my friends, please don't call, I won't answer. Don't text, I won't reply. Don't visit, I'm not here...


-Dan

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18 Responses to “Destroyed”

Shiny Demon said...

That's rough mate, it seems to be doing the rounds this week.

Em's way said...

Nothing I can say is going to make it easier for either of you, sending you both huge hugs, and a whole lot of love. You know where I am if you need anthing xxxxx

joansy said...

Oh Dan, I am so, so, so sorry. I don't know what to say. Please take care of yourself and know that you have many, many friends who are here to support you.

debbie said...

OH Christ.. dont know what to say,totally shocked for you both., but no matter what I am here for you both..

Laney said...

I'm sorry Dan, there isn't anything I can say that will make you feel better. I'm thinking of you both.

John said...

Hey buddy. I know its been a while since we spoke. But if theres anything I can do for ya let me know. My new number is 01702 309820. Im gutted for you both. Take care of yourself Dan.

Daisy said...

dammit

huge hugs to ya both

Anonymous said...

I am so so sorry Dan, take care of yourself. Just remember you have got lots of friends that will be there when you need them...whenever that may be.

Big hugs
xx
Melissa

DriedPapercutsAndChickens said...

oh dan
I am sorry
{{{{hugs}}}}

Me said...

Obviously not much to say here other than I'm sorry and I hope you can keep your chin up :/

You've got a load of people here for you if you want them.

Mary Fran said...

Oh Dan! I'm broken hearted for you. I'm so sorry. LOVE & HUGS

Krista said...

Once again- not much to say. It is never easy when life takes a turn. I am here for you, and hope for the best for you.

Deni said...

Hi Dan,I am also very sorry that you are hurting so much,you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers...Deni

Gretchen said...

Oh Dan. I don't quite know what to say.

Clay said...

My God. Dan, I read your blog daily from over here in Australia and I am shocked at this news. To me this is a travesty!

Keep your chin up and keep talking to her... you have such a history together things should surely set themselves right again.

Little Nut Tree said...

omg.

I've been absent from blog land. I'm gobsmacked and so sorry.

so so sorry x

Terri@SteelMagnolia said...

I am in tears and I have chills after reading this..

Oh buddy...
I need to go back and read your latest post to see if anything has changed.

It is TOUGH! Tough!!!
Only time will help to ease the stinging pain.

When my ex husband and I divorced.. he was my high school sweetheart... we were 30 when we divorced... I thought I was going to die of a broken heart.
It did take me a few years to get over it... (and I filed for the divorce) I still hear songs that hurt my heart.

It is just tough..
I will keep you in my prayers... and thoughts.

I am so sorry for you Dan..
I know what you're going thru.
It stinks!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Special Zipper said...

Dan
I've been absent from the blogging world like the other bloke from Australia. This is shattering .. and that's to me.

Really really saddened. Can't say any more than that because I am speechless for once.

Tim