Passing Time #16

As usual, clicky them all to embiggen the ones you can't read...

On Having OCD

If there is one thing that I hate about myself (pfft, only ONE?!) it's some of the things I do that can be pegged down to being OCDish.

Now, I am not talking about those whose lives are actually altered by having OCD, I am not NOT bad and I am not suggesting that I am at all. But it does both amuse and irritate me and others around me.

Mostly, it amuses.

However, some of the aspects I deal with, I don't see as being "Strange" or anything else, I just see them as being ordered and organised. I like some things done in a certain way, or the end result is not good.

Usually, I think I am right, but I can see why others think I am wrong.

Washing Up
I HAVE to wash up in a certain order. This I believe is common sense because you don't wash oily tins before washing glasses. I have to wash up in the following order: Glasses; Mugs; Plastic Cups; Big Plates; Small Plates; Plastic Plates; Big Bowls; Small Bowls; Cutlery; Containers; Tools; Saucepans; Tins.

I also cannot leave stuff "in soak" regardless of how stuck-on something might be. Worst-case scenario: I use a knife to scrap it off, as well as copious amounts of elbow grease.

Every item must be rinsed in hot water.  Now here's the "thing" I know I do. I HAS to be placed in size-order, big to small. It doesn't matter if it is plates, glasses, mugs, each group has to be arranged in size order. Added to this, all mugs and tea cups MUST have their handles pointed at the four o'clock position.

If I take over someone elses washing up - say, someone has started, but has to rush off - I have to rearrange everything first.

Justifications: Washing up in that order prevents the glasses and plates getting greasy. Placing them in size order? It makes them dry quicker. Rinsing in hot water adds to the drying speeds. Yes, even the handles-at-four makes them dry faster.


Music Files
Previously, this was just limited to Music and Video files, but now also applies to my new-found Kindle files too... However, files HAVE to be done in a certain way, including the "internal" Meta-Data - which I have become a pro at editing too!

Music files MUST be titled by Musician/Band then Song Title. Nothing more, Nothing less. AND between Artist/Title, it must be SPACE HYPHEN SPACE. And capitals in the right place. Spaces, not punctuation. Spelling is also important.

For instance, the top item here is correct. The rest are WRONG:  

Aerosmith - Eat The Rich
aerosmith - eat the rich
Eat The Rich - Aerosmith
Aeromith-big ones: eat the rich
Aerosmith-Eat_The_Rich

And so on and so forth. Even if there is ONE space missing in the middle, I notice it and have to fix it. The meta data also has to be nothing more than Artist and Title. No genre, no rating, no comments, no album name or image.

Justifications: The names have to be uniform so it looks neat in the folder. The spaces and hyphen break it up nicely but not too much. The meta data is annoying and never have I thought "I want to listen to THIS Genre!" or have I ever considered rating my music, commenting on the file, and I don't care what album it's from. It's all just pointless data.


TV  Files
Similar to the music files, TV adds the bonus of having to be sorted by Show Name, THEN the season, THEN the episode number - plus each episode probably has a name too. As an example:

The Mentalist - S01E03 - Red Tide

Show name/Series 01/Episode 03/Episode Title. You will also notice the Space/Hyphen/Space combo.

Justifications: In their folders, this sorts them out into the correct order. The show title must be on there in case it gets moved accidentally - I can move it back without having to view it. The Series/Episode has to be that way so it is correctly sorted, and with windows being thick, you have to put single digits as ZERO-ONE and not just ONE as windows believes that 10 comes before 1. It does know, however, the 01 comes before 10. Episode title I have to have as, mainly, if I watch a few episodes of an evening, I don't recognise the show NUMBER, but I do recognise the title.


Plus the spaces and hyphens keep it nice and neat once more. Also, no meta data, thank you. The basics, but none of the rest of it.


Movie Files
These are easy. ANY movie file on the computer simply contains the name of the film. Not the year, not the lead actor, not the director, not the genre. JUST the movie title. That's all the info you need for a film.

HOWEVER. If it is part of a series, I have to slap in numbers so Windows arranges it accordingly. For instance, The Lord of the Rings, if Windows gets its way is sorted like so:

The Lord of the Rings - The Fellowship of The Ring
The Lord of the Rings - The Return of the King
The Lord of the Rings - The Two Towers

Wrong wrong wrong - enough to make me want to cry. But, like with the TV Shows, the addition of some numbers makes it ALL better:

The Lord of the Rings 01 - The Fellowship of The Ring
The Lord of the Rings 02 - The Two Towers
The Lord of the Rings 03 - The Return of the King

Justifications: I don't need to know what year it was made, who directed, who's in it or anything else. I just need the name of the film. If it's a series of films, then they need to be together in the correct order. Even if they have completely different titles, I will work it so they are together.


Book Files
Along the same vein as Music and TV Shows, I have to have my books arranged in a certain way, otherwise they are all just smooshed together and look horrendous. Usually, the books I read are part of a series, but in this case, the title of the books are more important that the author, unlike my music files, in which case the musician is more important that the song title.

As such, my books HAVE to be arranged by series.

Sword of Truth 01 - Wizards First Rule - Terry Goodkind
Sword of Truth 02 - The Blood of the Fold - Terry Goodkind

And so on - Book Series/Book Title/Author

Justifications: I read books in serial order, so want them grouped together in that way, in order. If you group them by book title, there's NO order and things get confusing. Sorting by Author just doesn't make sense as some authors - such as Clive Cussler - have several DIFFERENT series of books going on.  Messy.


Sandwiches
Yes, you probably think I'm now going off the rails. I'm not... Well, maybe I am, but I don't believe I am. But sandwiches HAVE to be prepared, cut, and eaten in a certain way.

First off, the two slices come out the packet, and have to be laid out on the side in a mirror image to one another. Second, you have to butter to the very edges. The filling also then must go to the very edges. Then they have to be cut in TRIANGLES. Not rectangles, not squares, but TRIANGLES. One cut (for two sandwiches) or two cuts (for four small ones) are acceptable to me, but it has to be a triangle.

Then, you have to eat the one with more of the bottom of the slice first.  Let me explain... As you look at a slice of bread, you have the "top" which was the top of the tin, and you have the "bottom" which was the base of the tin. The base is the drier part of the bread. Cutting a triangle, one of the triangles has more of the "Bottom" than the other... THAT is the one you eat first.

And to eat it, if the bread is small enough/my mouth big enough, I have to eat sharp angle, sharp angle, but in the middle, edge, edge corner, done.

Justifications: The bread has to be mirrored as bread is NOT even, so mirroring it makes the slices fit together perfectly. The insides have to go to the very edges, as there is nothing worse than having just bread in your mouth. Triangles... Well, they taste better. Big or small, they just DO. Eating it that way too, you don't get food on the sides of your mouth like you would biting into the centre of a common rectangle. If the bread is small, I can do a triangular sarnie in four bites - thin corner/thin corner/middle/last corner.


Windows
I've mentioned Windows a few times before, but only because of how it likes to arrange things. Windows is wrong in it's arrangement skills.

However, MY Windows has to be set up in a certain way, and when I fix other peoples computers, I try my best to not do it to their computers too. I usually fail.

Firstly, the Desktop. The wallpaper itself can be anything, but it can't be too "busy". By that, I mean it can't have loads going on in it, can't be awash with colours...

Kellies laptop has the following HORRENDOUS wallpaper, which you should click to make larger:

 My current wallpaper, however, is the complete opposite:

Don't get me wrong - I LIKE Kellies picture (It's the office from The IT Crowd, before you ask), and I love that program - but as a WALLPAPER, it's go too much going on in it.

Next up, Icons. Currently, my desktop has two icons on it... A photo of Posh Totty in her PJs, and the picture I used at the top of this post. One of these will be deleted, the other will be filed away for later use. My desktop NEEDS to be clean and tidy, and only important things go on there that need to be sorted ASAP, then they get filed or deleted.

And no, my Recycle Bin is hidden as well.

The System Tray is another of my peeves. I HATE seeing a load of stuff running down there (most of which is usually pointless) and even those of you that hide the icons, clicking that arrow and having a tsunami of little icons appear is nerve-wracking. If a program has a System Tray, I check the options and remove it if possible. If that program isn't important but you can't remove that icon, that program gets removed from the computer.

Running in my system tray at the moment, I have my Antivirus, my Network Manager program, my Sound Management program, and my Power Information. Everything else is disabled. And even then, those icons are automatically hidden. Windows Update pops up every now and then to tell me there are new updates, and they get done usually when they appear.

Also, the Add/Remove Programs tool is like my secret lover... I will go through there periodically, and anything I've got installed (that isn't important) that I haven't used in a while - gone. Uninstalled.

And as an aside from TV/Music/Books etc, the My Documents folder has to be neat and tidy too, with a folder for whatever item is needed. I've got a folder for my phone backup, one for blog-related stuff, one for letters, one for pictures to post, and so on and so on. Everything has a place.

At least now you know why - when you get your computer back from me - it looks different. I've changed everything!

Justifications: Partly, the wallpapers is due to my colourblindness. If you have a really busy wallpaper, you can't see what is what on the desktop. Partly, makes it look cluttered and messy, and breaks my concentration. Desktop Icons just annoy me. There is nothing that needs to be on your desktop. If it's a funny picture, put it in your Pictures folder. If it's a document, My Documents is there for a reason. Music? My Music folder. A shortcut? Either use the Quick Launch bar down the bottom left if you use it all the time (Browser, Email, Music Player), or use the Start Menu... Either click Start/Programs/Your File, or PIN it to the Start Menu so it's there when you press start!

The System Tray icons - the more there are running down there, the more crap you've got running on your computer, the slower it will be.


The My Documents folder... Well it's common sense - you wouldn't bundle up all your real, proper documents into one big box so you can't find what you want, would you? Actually, I am pretty sure some of you would...


Gaming
Yes yes, very strange, but a small category. But when I am gaming, I need everything to be laid out just so so I can concentrate. In World of Warcraft, my inventory has to be A) Big, and B) Properly laid out. I have to have certain things in certain places. In Tiny Tower (see My Tower), I have to group my floors by their type, and the people that work ON those floors, have to be dressed in the appropriate colour. When I play a *band/Roguelike game, I have to have the screen set up just so too.

I suspect it's why I don't do console games - I can't use key bindings or alter how things are...

Justifications: I need things laid out so I know where everything is at a couple of clicks of a button. I know where to move my mouse before the appropriate window has opened so I can click that item to do that task quickly. My Tower people have to be coloured so when I need to find one, I know s/he will either be in a certain group of floors, or in the Residential area.


Mobile Phone
Another 0dd one. Sue me. But. My address book HAS to be sorted by first name, and everyone HAS to have their surname, the only exceptions being Mum/0dd Mum In Law/Dad/Nans.

Being that I have a smart phone with seven home screens, I also need to keep them neat and tidy. The first page has the clock and weather, followed by my SMS program, Twitter, Internet and WhatsApp - I use them all the time. The other windows are for different things. Game shortcuts on one, Social Media on another, Mapping on another, Settings on another, Calendar... I know two swipes right is Games, or two left is Calendar. I can do it without looking.

Justifications: Neat and Tidiness, mostly, but also, grouping the right things with similar things means I can go to one place for everything I need at that moment.


So there you have it... My flaws laid bare. And these are just the main ones that spring to mind while writing. There are so many others, such as how clothes should be folded, how cutlery should be stored, how things should sit on a table, lining stuff up... But they are all minor little things that I don't even realise I do. I am sure Kellie could sit here going on about the stuff I get up to, but this post has gone on long enough.

Musical Monday #129 - Supernova

I am sure that, one day, I will do a Musical Monday post on a song that is currently popular. One that is getting press, popular amongst the yoofs, a rising star.

One day. Just not today.

Once again, dear reader, I am putting on a song that was very popular, it was a big song, and the yoofs did love it.

I'm not sure why this song is in my head today. Don't get me wrong, I don't not like this song - quite the opposite, I think it's a really good song, but upon rolling out of bed this morning, it's running around in my head as is usual for me.

The soundtrack to my day.

It's a brilliant song, have a listen. Mr Hudson - Supernova:

Books & Reading

My very nature, is that of someone that loves books. I've always been a big reader, and my biggest, nerdy claim to fame, is that I read The Hobbit aged nine, followed by The Lord of the Rings.

Even at a young age, I was a geek. I still have that copy of the Lord of the Rings too - even if it IS falling to bits.

I have always loved books. I spent a lot of my childhood in libraries, I usually had my nose in a book, or, a book was always close to hand.

Once I started using computers, I would read things on the screen, using PgUp/PgDwn buttons instead of turning a page.

It's not the same, reading books digitally on a computer. When I got my first laptop I thought "This will be more like it" but even then, it still wasn't the same. I still had a bloody great bit of tech right in front of me.

When the various e-readers came out, like the Kindle and the Nook, I was intrigued, but none the less, didn't get one. For one, they were a lot of money, and two, I LOVE books. I am sure that at least one of you will understand when I stay, how good it feels to open a brand new book, how the pages feel... And I know at least one of you will also appreciate the smell of a new book.

So I didn't investigate the various readers much further.

Last Xmas, Kellie wanted to get me one. I told her no. I like proper books, it's a lot of money, yada yada yada. I didn't want her spending a big fat lump of money on that when we could have gotten her something pretty.

For Mollys birthday, she mentioned wanting an e-reader, and a few days later, we found one - just a basic one that reads text documents - for £25. With the assistance of a tool that converts the different book formats, we got her a load of books and put them on there for her birthday.

While setting it up, installing it and what-have-you, I was taken by the fact that it was, in fact, pretty clever. The "e-ink" stuff was clever, the battery life on these things is incredible, they're light and aside from a few buttons, it was quite like an actual book.

Minus, you know, the feeling, the texture and the smell.

I gave it to Kellie to fiddle with, and she too was impressed.

That was the beginning of the end, really. We had a think about it, and knew we couldn't afford one, let alone two.

Then it hit us. We had all our Christmas vouchers sitting in the cupboard.

Now, the thing with us is, we don't tend to buy ourselves "stuff" very often. Kellies shoes and bags notwithstanding. We had already decided to use the vouchers on some new saucepans and stuff for the kitchen.

We're like that. We will spend our money and stuff on bills, or things needed in the house. Not that we "need" pans and crockery - there's nothing wrong with what we have, but we thought we'd get new ones.

Until we realised we had enough for a Kindle each.

That was that.  We trundled into town and grabbed two Kindles from Argos, did some shopping, came home and started to play.

I love playing with new tech almost as much as I love a new book ;)

The first thing that struck me was the lightness of it, even compared to Mollys e-reader. The screen is the same size as a normal page, and it's thin too - but thick enough that it's easy to hold. You don't get an aching hand from holding it for long periods - it is just the right shape, size and weight.

Setting it up was pretty easy, linking it to our Amazon accounts and everything, simple. Connecting it to the WiFi wasn't difficult, but it was a bit infuriating. I use MAC Address filtering on our router - that is, only devices I've said can connect, are allowed to connect. You do this by putting the items MAC Address into the router configuration screen so it knows to allow it to pass. However, the Kindle doesn't tell you it's MAC Address during setup. So I had to log into the router, disable the filtering, go through the Kindle setup, go into the router, see which devices were connected, work out which was the Kindle, copy it'd MAC Address, go into the filtering system, add the address to the filter, turn it back on again.

Ideally, the Kindle should show you it's address during setup. Would make life a few minutes easier.

So, once set up and configured, it was time for books, so we went through getting a load. Some we got directly from Amazon, and literally, once you confirm the purchase, it arrived on the Kindle. Simple as that. Others, we had to download to the computer, and put on there ourselves. It's literally as difficult as plugging in a USB cable, and moving files from your computer, to the Kindle itself - which opens up on your screen like any other drive folder.

Simples.

With a program called Calibre, you can convert any books you get that are in the wrong format too. The Kindle only reads a few of the different Ebook formats, but with Calibre (which is a free program, by the way!) you can convert them from whatever format you have, into the correct one for the reader. Again, it's literally as simple as clicking a few buttons and away you go.

You can arrange the books on your Kindle quite easily too. You can bundle them into collections, you can sort them by Author, or by Title, or by Date.

Once you're reading, it is honestly so close to being a page of a book. I was sat in the lounge, sunlight streaming in, and it was crystal clear. It works perfectly well in bright light, or low light. It DOESN'T have a light up screen mind you, so you need a light on to read - you can get cases with built in lights, but they seem stupidly priced. I'll stick a lamp on, thanks. If you think this is a hardship, think again - if you were reading, you would have that lamp on ANYWAY. Yes, it's the 21st Century, and everything has backlit/floodlit screens... But I am sure staring at one for long periods is going to screw your eyes up.

The buttons for turning the page are on the side, and the "Next Page" button is placed pretty much exactly where your thumb would sit when holding it normally. Right handed, or for the freaky of you, Left handed too. There are Next/Previous buttons on both sides of it.

The buttons across the bottom are simple too. Back - which works as a back page button, or mainly, back through menus, Keyboard, which opens the keyboard for typing in titles, searching documents or whatever, Menu, which opens the menu, and Home, which takes you to the first screen of your home page.

With the WiFi on, you can buy books from Amazon directly through your Kindle. You can also access the web. Granted, it's in Grey Scale, but you can do it. You can read blogs on it too via Google Reader.

The other rather nifty function, is sending books to it. You can buy online and have them delivered directly to you. You can plug in the USB and slap them on there. Or, with your Kindle Address - which is just an email address specifically for your Kindle - you can email books to it.

Case in point. I had a book on my computer that I KNEW Kellie would want. However, she was in bed upstairs (reading!). Instead of waiting till morning, I attached the book to an email and sent it to her kindle address. Two minutes later, it was delivered directly to her Kindle.

Doing this also backs it up on the Amazon servers, just in case you lose it somehow.

Once reading, you can fiddle with view settings too, change the font size to quite small, to massive - even those of you with eye problems should be able to see that! You can change the font from serif, to sans serif or condensed. You can alter the line spacing to closer or even closer together (if you want, not sure why you would - it looks weird!) and you can change the rotation of the device if you REALLY want to, and read it portrait or, strangely, upside down.

My only "gripe" if you will, is the position of the power button. It's virtually centred on the base. Exactly where my little finger sits. Many times while reading, I've accidentally caught that button and shut it down. I've password-protected it to prevent the kids sodding around with it, so every time I turn it off, I have to fiddle around with the keyboard and four-way button to type it in.

Only a little niggle I know, but still.

Actually, hold that thought... I wonder if that's why you can rotate the orientation of the page to "Upside Down"

Bear with me...

HA! OK, so that niggle... It is easily overcome by changing the screen rotation to the "Upside Down" position. And strangely, due to the size of the Next/Previous buttons, my thumb is STILL in the right place for the "Next Page" button.

Hopefully, once my case arrives for it, the position of the button won't be such an issue, but we will see...

As for cases, they too seem silly prices. If you want one - and you will, just for peace of mind - look on Ebay. We saw cases in the shop - leather, padded cases - for about £20. On Ebay, they are £7 each.

So, in short, I love my Kindle. It's reignited my love for reading, and it makes me love words all over again. It's not a replacement for books, mind you. I don't see books disappearing any time soon because there is too much to love about them... But I can see they now have some serious competition.

It's a brilliant bit of tech geekery, it's easy to use, the things you want it to do, it does, the menu system is intuitive, and looking at the words on the pages, it really is like looking at text on a page. And because it's not a lit screen, there is no glare to give you a headache.

Delays

The more astute of you (ie, three) will have noticed that I have been a little quiet on the intarwebz of late. It's not you, it's me.

Oooh I've never had to say that!

Anyways, with the time of year being what it is - especially this week - my drive to blog and engage people on Facebook has been lessened. The blogging side, because I have been so tired to boot, I've not had much to say really. Facebook, well, being that it's February, that makes it CHD Awareness Month. And as much as I want to drum up awareness, I can't go on Facebook and read everyones happy stories about their child getting through surgeries, and can't look at everyones profile pictures or posted photos of their child in recovery, covered in wires and pipes.

Yes, it's seven years ago. No, I am not over it.

And NO. I am certainly NOT having a go at any of you for posting your stuff. More power to you, fight the good fight. I am saying I can't look at and read all that stuff. It's too painful.

But I digress.

You would think with me feeling like this, Tuesday was rough, but again, you'd be wrong. Tuesday morning - as usual - I flopped out of bed at six and bumbled downstairs. Kellie came down a few minutes later and sat with me, watching iPlayer (TV on Demand type thingie for you not from these ickle Island) while I contemplated the day.

I did my blog post, had a little cry, then pulled myself together. "Today -" I thought to myself "- is going to be a GOOD day." I made sure my post was positive and up. As I said to Kellie the day after, I had four wonderful, brilliant years with Bethy. She would be pissed if I let the last few days of her life override all the fun and good times I had with her. Sure, I could mope and sulk and cry and wale and hide under my duvet, but that would not be fair.

So, I thought of everything fun and nice and good...

Tuesday was not a bad day. Plus, Kellie was here making sure I was OK, looking after me. We went out and in a shock turn of events, did something we don't usually do. Usually, our Christmas Money & Vouchers go on bills or stuff the house needs. But this year, we decided "NO" and took our stuff to Argos and treated ourselves to a Kindle each.

That is a whole 'nother blog post :)

Allow me to rewind just a little... Monday I decided I would get the house in order a little. Usually I pace my housework through the week, but figured I wouldn't be doing anything Tuesday, and Wednesday I probably couldn't be arsed. So, Monday I blitzed through everything. I worked my sodding great socks off. I started just after eight that morning, and didn't sit down till nearly three that afternoon.

I was dead, knackered, in pain and exhausted. Luckily I had already done most of the stuff for dinner. Then it hit me - Monday night is Tam at Beavers, then Molly at Cubs. Tam gets dropped off, me and Mo walk her to Beavers, then we walk home, then I feed Dominic and Molly, then Me and Mo walk BACK to Beavers - Tam gets picked up from there - so I drop Mo off, walk home, start Kellies dinner (who is about to get in from work), then 90 minutes later I go get Molly, bring her home, finish off dinner and flop down at about half nine.

Knackering.

This Monday was different. Tam was due to be picked up at 6.45, but Jo ran out of petrol, and Tam wanted to go back there. So I had drop off Mo, get Tam come home, get money, go out, get the bus across Basildon, drop Tam off, get the bus back across Basildon, then go get Mo...

So Monday was probably a stupid day to be busy.

Conversely, I was exhausted Tuesday, but still pushed myself to keep doing "stuff".

Wednesday, it all caught up with me and I was in agony. I hobbled out of bed at six, and was taking drugs five minutes later. So. Much. Pain.

But being that I am oh-so-smart, we had to go out and get some shopping. Apparently, you HAVE to feed kids. By LAW.

Thursday morning it was all I could do to get up out of bed. Then, in a bolt of brilliance, I decided Tam and myself would CYCLE across Basildon. Usually it takes us - running at Tam Speed - half an hour to get from our door to the school. On the bus, it takes twenty minutes, so that's not bad going really. Once she's dropped off, I ride home in 15 minutes. Then I leave here at half two to go get her, usually taking 20 minutes as I am knackered, then a half hour ride home.

Thursday, however, I was dead before I started. It took us 40 minutes to get TO school that morning. Luckily, we left early, just in case. It then took me, alone, another 40 minutes to get home. I was very much "Ow, Ow, Ow..." the whole way back, and walked the bike up part of Broadmayne which is a mile-long steady upward slope.

I got in and ate a load of painkillers and crashed on the sofa. I didn't do ANYTHING. I just sat reading because I could barely move. Knowing I had to go get her from school, I left home at 2.15 that afternoon, giving me an hour to collect her. I only JUST made it, I got there at 3.10. I was in agony. If I weren't in public, I would have flopped on the ground in tears.

I can't even begin to explain to you how that feels. The pain is hard enough to detail, but the emotional stuff that comes with it is horrendous.

Coupled with this, being on my own Thursday, being tired and in pain, I felt miserable, Completely, utterly miserable. I missed Kellie, I missed the kids, I kept thinking about Bethy, I was in shitting pain...

So, I get Tam, and we start our ride home.

Halfway back, I call it quits and walk my bike. Tam is usually  a bit slow, but today, she was riding circles around me. Literally.

It took us over an hour to get home. I threw something in the oven and collapsed on the sofa feeling very sorry for myself. The boys cleared up the dinner stuff, Kellie sorted our dinner, and I just sat on the sofa trying not to sob to myself.

Friday morning I could hardly walk. I could hardly move. I opted NOT to cycle (rather, Kellie told me in no uncertain terms, I am NOT to ride) so Tam and myself went to school on the bus. Once she was dropped, Gemma offered me a lift home, but with the catch that I had to wander around Asda for a bit. So she shopped while I played with Toby in the trolley. And, allegadly, abused both Gemma and Toby.

Gemma makes some WILD accusations...

Once done, she brought me home, where I got in and crashed down again, once more feeling like absolute shite. I did a little pottering around, but not a lot, and spent the day on the sofa being a big brave boy.

And so, here we are at Saturday once more. I've been up an hour, trying to focus my brain, trying to wake up. I feel like complete shit today, am physically and mentally exhausted. However, the house is quiet, the birds out the back are singing, and I think the sun is on its way up, and that always makes me smile.

So yes, I am alive. I am breaking radio silence here and on Twitter. Facebook is being avoided for a couple more weeks, and then I should be back on there proper too.

My Angel

My brain is usually good with "time" and my internal clock is pretty accurate. However, when it comes to Bethy, it isn't sure.

Today, as hard as it is to believe, Bethy has been gone for seven years. On the one hand, this day in 2005 feels like it was just yesterday. On the other, it is almost like it was an eternity ago. I still remember every moment of that day like it was just yesterday, the noises, the smells, the emotion; but it feels so long ago.

And, I suppose, it WAS a long time ago.

As I have said many times, people using the adage "Time is a great healer" can never understand that, actually, no, time is NOT a great healer. Time makes things different, but it doesn't heal it.

But I digress.

Seven years ago, at 12.21pm, Bethy had had enough. Enough of having limits on her physical exercise, enough of being on medication, enough of trying to recover from the heart surgery, and that was that. With a sigh, she was gone.

And I know - I KNOW - that where ever she is now, she is better. She is doing what she wants, when she wants. She doesn't have to worry about passing out because she ran too far, about having a funny turn because the swings were going to fast, about having to stop undressing her dolly because she needs to take a metric ton of medication... She can run, and jump, and dance, and if she trips and falls and scrapes her knee, I've not got to take her to a doctor for additional antibiotics.

Today - despite being very tired from a very busy few days - I am focusing on everything BEFORE this day of 2005. I am thinking about the beautiful little moo dangling out on the bannisters, I am thinking about my beautiful little moo babbling away about, well, nothing in particular... Today is about everything BEFORE today.

To my Beautiful Angel, Bethany...


Seven years you've been gone my sweet. Seven years of doing things YOU want to do, without worry about what might happen to you after. 


It feels so long ago, but still feels so raw, I can't get my head around it. But I know you're there sometimes, watching us do whatever we're doing. Sometimes, I think I catch sight of you, sometimes I think I hear your dirty little giggle, and some nights, I dream of you sitting with me.


I miss you sitting with me.


Part of me is jealous of everyone that you have with you, of everyone that can see you every day, that can have one of your extra-tight-around-the-neck cuddles. I miss your cuddles, almost as much as I miss you.


But you're better. I know you are now even more perfect that you were before, and don't have to worry about anything, let alone what your body was going to do next.


Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like to have an extra month, a year, but I can't dwell on what-ifs. The what-ifs are too painful, so I don't..


I often sit here, telling Kellie about you, about the things you did. You might have been "poorly" but you could get into the worst kind of trouble. Shaving Sally Dog, emptying the bean bags in the house THEN in the garden, pouring the massive pot of paint of the carpet... But even in your short time down here, you lived. That's the main part.


And you did so much. You bought together so many people, raised awareness of CHDs and made so many people HAPPY. You should be proud of what you did in such a short space of time. I know I am proud of you.


Run around, my little gorgeous, dance, sing at the top of your voice. I'll get my cuddles some day, you'll get to run rings around Kellie, but we've got a lot to do down here first.


I love you and miss you terribly, my beautiful Angel. And as ever, I See You Baby...


All my love,
-Daddy
x

If you're new here, please take into consideration: Congenital Heart Defects are THE NUMBER ONE birth defect in children across the world. They don't know what causes them, most cannot be "cured" and yet there is no protocol in place to check every newborn. One in every One Hundred Babies is born with some form of defect, some worse than others, most requiring some form of surgery to correct.

Tech Support: The Truth

Clicky to Embiggen

Musical Monday #128 - Break Stuff

Do you ever have days where it just doesn't seem to matter what you do. You're in the wrong, or what you said was taken the wrong way, or for whatever reason, things are all on top of you no matter what.

I woke up cranky for no real reason. I'm doing laundry but getting nowhere fast. I'm done the washing up, but had to leave stuff in soak as it would NOT scrub clean. I do one thing, I find another. I'm sick of being in pain and hurting after doing literally SOD ALL, and it's pissing me off. I'm sick of some people nodding and agreeing with one thing I say, only to talk about whatever behind my back. If you think I'm faking feeling like shit, kindly tell me to my face, not to someone, who then tells me what you said. I'm a big boy, I can handle it.

Oh, and incidentally, if I AM faking it, please advise the Academy Awards people, because I've been doing this particular performance for almost TWELVE F$CKING YEARS. Most people win for doing a two hour movie.

So, Limp Bizkit - Break Stuff seemed quite apt.

Enjoy:

Passing Time #15

Sleepy Time #17

You may have noticed the posting here on 0ddness has been a little sporadic this last week, and with good reason.

I am tired.

Now, before anyone jumps the gun, wiggles their finger and yells "HA!" at me, it is NOT the Sleep Restriction that is causing it. Well, it is but it isn't, if that makes sense.

For just over a week, I have been on the new allowance of 12am-6am, but it's not been easy for various minor reasons.

First off, last week in a real show of applying ones palm to ones face, I miscalculated my meds, and just after five in the afternoon on Friday, I realised I had six painkillers left. Oopsie Daisy.  Then Mother Nature, realising this and realising that I'm constantly bashing her brain in with a stick, decided to have a little payback and dumped a whole six inches of snow across Basildonia early Sunday.

Now, this doesn't sound that bad - except that I had to walk the kids back to their mums. With the roads covered in a little snow, Britain did what it does best, and ground to a halt. So, it was walk them back.

Normally, I get them back to Jo in about 50 minutes (Jaysen being the slower of the two - Tam has always managed to keep pace with me!), and then 30-40 minutes for me to get back home. This day, however, due to pain levels (out of meds, remember) and trying to plod through snow, it took me three and a half sodding hours.

And did I mention the cold gets right into me and makes my pain levels fly through the roof?

So Monday through to Wednesday, I was in excrutiating pain. Most nights I lay in bed quietly sobbing to myself, feeling sorry for myself... I got my new prescription Tuesday, and it took a couple of days for things to get back to "Normal"

Of course, the pain levels Friday through to Wednesday/Thursday meant my nights have been messy. Not anywhere near like they used to be, but since starting the sleep restriction, I have been going to bed and staying asleep. This week, not one night has gone by where I haven't woken up at least twice. If not pain, then random crap on my mind, just nagging at me.

I need to blog more, I think that's the key. I've always said 0ddness is my outlet.

So anyway, if it carries on, I may have to jump an hour backwards, and return to 1-6. I don't want to, but if I am not sleeping properly again by Wednesday, then I have no choice. A week of "good" sleeping earns me an hour, whereas a week of "bad" sleeping gets punished with the loss of an hour.

And there you go, as mentioned at the top of the post, I am tired. I've overdone it this week, I've over thought stuff, I've not thought about stuff properly, and now my body is paying me back for it.

The bastard.

Again, however, it IS working. I've gone from being a full-time, professional insomniac, to sleeping virtually EVERY night in solid blocks. I'm not even going to peg this week as a failure, mainly because my sleep is disturbed due to outside sources. If my pain levels were better managed, if I didn't dwell on stuff too much, I suspect this week would have been like the rest, in that I slept!

For Kellie...

It's not often a song will have just the right words. This one does.

Just for my Kellie... Listen to/Read the words.

And Another!

Once again, here at Chez 0ddness we are celebrating yet another birthday!

Despite still clearing up after another, today not only a birthday, but it is a transitional birthday from single to double digits!

Today, Molly is ten!

Yes folks, the wee little blonde that I only met a few years ago has grown up very rapidly, and has mysteriously crept up from being an ickle six year old to a two-figure little girl.

The last birthday - Dom's 14th - was enough of a punch to the stomach that I thought Kellie wouldn't feel old, but on realising Molly is now ten, I think Kellie is about ready for her comfy chair in the retirement home, and some special underwear to prevent leakages.

But I digress (as usual)

Our Dear (Not So Little) Molly,
Happy Birthday little lady! I can't believe that you're ten already, it really doesn't seem that long ago that you were look up into the clouds to focus on my face looming above you when we first met. I was worried how you would take me after your mum and I started dating, but it wasn't long till you were sitting on the sofa with me with one of your books...

And now look at you. Your mum often comments about how you ask ME for help, ask ME if you can do something, go somewhere, or have something. I'm sure she doesn't mind really, but you know what she's like ;)

I know it's not all been easy and plain sailing for you to accept some of the changes, but you've taken each one in your stride and done very well, and even with the rubbish stuff you've had to deal with in the past, you've accepted it and moved on.

As I've said to you before when we've been sat down chatting about something, if ever you need help, if ever you want to talk about something or have a problem with something, you can always sit with me and discuss it, and I will do my utmost to help you out and make things right.

Now, if you could stop growing like a weed, that'd be great!

I hope you have a brilliant day beautiful. Happy Birthday :)

Lots of love,
-Dan
x

As with Dom's birthday, I don't have a massive selection of photos to slap up for embarrassment purposes, but I have enough ;)

"I can stay up late at a party... ZzzZzzZzzZzz"

First Day at her new school

Molly (centre) posing... As usual

She might be bright sometimes, but occasionally, you gotta wonder...

Molly (right)... er... posing...

And again, Molly, posing... Sense the theme?

Pick 'n' Mix

For the benefit of those deprived not of this Country, I should explain the basics of a Pick & Mix, on the off-chance they don't exist where-ever you might be.

Imagine a row of small boxes, containers, shelves-with-containers, all containing a different kind of sweet. Aniseed Balls, Cough Candy, Eclairs, Love Hearts, Candy Peanuts, Mint Imperials, White Mice, Jazzies, Dolly Mixtures, Jelly Strawberries, Cola Bottles, Fizzy Bottles, Jelly Babies, Dummies... The list is endless.

As a child, I used to go from item to item, two of those, three of those, one of those - and put them all into a little bag. At the end, you got the bag weighed, and paid whatever it came to. Back then, it was fingers, but more modern times you have a small scoopy-thing to use.

Before they decided to lose all their money, the place everyone went for their pick n mix was Woolworths - a big chain of shops that sold everything from toys to clothes to sweets, CDs, Tapes, Videos, DVDs...

But they went bust a few years back now.

So - we have the basics of a Pick & Mix. It's not what you would call "Rocket Science"

Now, fast forward a few years. Dan is now a grown up pre My-Spine-Is-Fooked, I worked with some friends doing Shop Fitting. Fitting, not lifting.

This involved going to work in the early evening - usually travelling far and wide - arriving at a shop after it closed, where the staff had cleared all the shelves. We then waded in, and effectively smashed the place up. Everything had to be broken down, stripped out, floor lifted, walls cleared and ready to be rebuilt by the next crew.

And the main customer was Woolworths. Now, pulling down shelving that has been up for well over fifteen, twenty - even twenty five years in some cases - was always good for a laugh. We found everything, from clothing, money, rubbish, and dust.  Dust bunnies the size of dogs. Spiders the size of big dogs. Rodents. Vile looking stains that had grown their own ecosystem of moulds, fungi and weather systems.

In short, underneath old, unmoved shelving was completely gross.

Slap bang in the middle of every shop, we invariably got to the pick and mix stand. After the first few times, we LOVED this, because every time, we were so grossed out it was hilarious.

And every time, the same shit happened.

Step one: we would heft the shelving out the way.
Step two: we would be greeted with a miasma of vileness.
Step three: the staff would swoop in before we cleared the crap out the way and collect all the sweets laying on the floor amongst the shit.

I kid you not, dear reader. Before we could start to shift out the disgusting mess, the staff had to collect every single item that was a sweetie underneath the shelves, and sift through them. Stuff that was no longer on sale was dropped back onto the floor. Stuff that was still "current" was blown off, and added BACK to the pile of stock.

Fill your mouth with air. Purse your lips. Blow.  THAT is the limit of cleaning the sweets received before being placed back into active service.

Now, I need to elaborate on the levels of vileness that these sweets had spent an un-named amount of time sitting in. Aside from thick black dust, cobwebs like rugs, dead spiders and random fluff, we saw dead rodents, spillages that had not been cleaned, dirty rags, general rubbish that had blown under, dried out or even wiggling maggots, mold, damp, water damage...

The list goes on and on.

After calling the staff on it, we were told that it is common practise, not just among Woolworths, but LOTS of shops that sell pick and mix do the same thing as the sweets are sold per weight, so losing/throwing them away affects profits.

I am hoping with every fibre of my body that this "practise" no longer happens. I am hoping that as this was at least ten years ago, things have changed, and it no longer happens. BUT, I am not holding my breath - especially for the sole-traders and little shops out there that NEED to turn a profit.

So there we have it - when your favourite blogger is offered pick & mix sweets, he politely declines. Turkish Delight with hint of Rat Fur is not on my list of om-nom-nommy things to munch on.

And if you ever get a chance to see a shop-fitting happen, you should - just to see what accumulates underneath shelving after a few decades.

Hoppy Burpday!

Almost four years ago, after managing to convince Kellie that I was actually a really nice guy, and that she should date me, I managed to capture her as my own. In doing so, I also captured Dominic & Molly, who back THEN were pretty much wee ickle kiddies.

Molly would have been six, and Dominic was nine.

Aw bless.

Today, however, time has done it's thing, and now Molly is 9, and Dominic (as of eight-something tonight) is 14.

Now, where I've only known them a few years, I see a nine year old and a fourteen year old. Kellie, however, sees a nine year old and a Holy-Shit-How-Do-I-Have-A fourteen year old.  Which (for some of us) is highly amusing.

In light of Dom being a year older, I decided now is the time to start writing HIM a birthday message too. Mainly because he probably won't see it as he doesn't check 0ddness that often, but additionally, it's what I do.

Plus, coming up, embarrassing photos!

Dom,
I know I've only been in your life a few years, and I know sometimes I can be a bit of a Step Dad, but I like to think I bitch and moan at you as much as I bitch and moan at Jaysen. Fair's fair, after all ;)

In the time I've known you, you have grown up REALLY fast, and even in just-under four years, you've dealt with some pretty grim crap. Not least, gaining Shrek for a step-dad.


The way you have gone from strength to strength - especially since dealing with a change of schools - is bloody impressive, and you should feel proud of how well you have done with everything, especially your school work. On top of this, you're growing up into a smart, socially-adapt young man (which is a scary thought, especially for your mum!) even if you don't have a shred of common sense ;)


Carry on the way you are, you're doing brilliant, and your mum and I are both proud as anything to see you grow in every aspect of your life.


Happy Birthday Dom, I hope you have a great day!


-Dan
(The Wicked Step Father)

And now... Pictures! Lucky for Dom, I don't have a huge selection... I'm saving the ones of him wearing womens clothing for blackmail purposes.

That;'d be his MUMS coat...